Oh dear- a walloping

WU Salmon 1 UH Saints 12
(Half time 0-9)
Melrose

Scorer: Jeremy
MOMPts
Jeremy 3
Terry 2
James Stewart 1

Incredibly hard to put this into words, so thank f*#k i don't have to- John Dow has opted for humour. As much as we were poor, and we were, we also did not have an ounce of luck go our way. The test of character wasn't last weekend it will be next weekend when we have to dust ourselves off and let who ever is unlucky enough to play us next know that we are pissed off.

i think a training is in order _thursday or Wednesday at the Chinese cultural centre- passing and defending will be the main focus.
Lastly, it was a rubbish time to be the club team and have to do bar duty so thanks to those who helped out- especially James and Matthew who stayed til the end- it shows character to hang around after a thumping and sink some beers at the clubby!

Was it our worst ever loss? probably but like i said it will be worse if we let us get to us-

Over to Mr Dow:


BABOONS SILENCED BY SALMON CAPITULATION

Wellington Zookeeper Rupert Ramshaw reported that for the first time in living memory his beloved Baboons were in stunned silence after witnessing the first half capitulation of the once Mighty Salmon against Upper Hutt Saints on Saturday May 30. The 9-0 half time score had left his playful and usually supportive animals in a state of complete shock leading to threats to cancel the popular and usually well attended “ Afternoon Tea Party” for which they are famous.

When word of such a reaction filtered through to Newtown Park, Wellington United historians were searching their books for comparisons of other dark days in the club’s long history.

Established in 1893, WU has nearly 120 years of events, matches, campaigns, victories and humiliations from which to consider this first half annihilation against.

Could this rout be seen alongside the desperately sad occasion when 3 of the club’s finest ever players went down with the Titanic at the end of a long season in 1912 ??

Or the embarrassment the club endured when on that same fateful night, Cyril Vile the second team Coach survived, wearing a dress and wig, by leaping onto a lifeboat using the dubious name of Cybil. For many years after the “Cyril Vile Trophy” was handed out to the season’s individual who had brought the most shame and ridicule to the club each season.

How bad was this first half ?, the only sign of Salmon defensive resistance came when a stray dog parked himself in the 6 yard box for 2 minutes and the Saints momentarily lost confidence and started shooting high and wide.

Perhaps the sound of the half time whistle which was clear, confident and resolute can be noted as not only the best contribution from a Salmon player to this tale of first half woe but also a much awaited relief from the pain and suffering the whole team was experiencing.

First to articulate a remedy and change of approach was Adam who captured the mood and urgency of the situation and exalted the team to tackle the second half as a completely new and fresh challenge.

A move back to a more traditional 4-4-2 formation saw the defence start to become tighter, more committed and in pursuit of a second half clean sheet ably encouraged by the talking of Richard and Dave. Saints suddenly found scoring much more difficult and the team’s started to even up.

Terry started to get on the ball and pushed passes around and keeping possession was suddenly back in vogue despite a few lapses and Salmon gift giving.

However, the real revelation was the hard running and committed play from Jeremy and Wozza who repeatedly won the ball in the middle of the park and kept pushing the team forward at every opportunity.

Jeremy’s all action play saw him match the best the Saints could offer, his defensive work held them at bay, while he also proved a real handful for their defence as he constantly burst forward and proved impossible to contain. His stunning last minute strike a totally deserved outcome for a very impressive half of football, coming from a great set up from Craig.

Wozza also imposed himself on the Saints, winning lots of ball, getting passes forward and in one glorious movement battled through 4 consecutive 50/50 situations before emerging with the ball at his feet near the edge of the area, then impressed with his awareness to see the great run of Fulton who he then played into a clear goalscoring situation and a very real opportunity to score was narrowly missed. Another excellent performance.

A battling second half, although lost 3-1, showed once again that the sometimes Mighty Salmon can actually compete with any team in this division.

However, Upper Hutt demonstrated the importance of combinations, off the ball running, and a positive attacking attitude with lots of talk amongst their players.

While the first half of this match will forever be known in WU history and Zoo folklore as the day the “ Baboons were Silenced” the second half clearly showed what this side is capable of.

How will the Salmon selectors respond to such a comprehensive capitulation ?? They have shown great skill and understanding in turning around other poor performances already this season.
Will the WU club consider reintroducing the “Cyril Vile Trophy” should such a half of football ever be served up again this season.

Will aspects of this first half be included in one of Dave Armstrong’s next plays, appropriately titled “The Descent of Man” ??

Should every individual take a big long hard look at themselves in the mirror the morning of the next match and make a personal commitment to never allowing a repeat of such a footballing travesty ever to happen again ??